My mom, my sister and I were discussing the Enneagram and
the types of our loved ones over the Christmas holiday. My dad, Gary, is a Three and so is my Aunt
Janet, my mom’s sister. Remarking how
surprised she was that both her husband and her sister were the same number, my
mom said, “Gary can relax from doing, but I don’t see Janet ever really slowing
down.” That is typical of threes, they
are constantly doing, gaining their sense of self worth through their tasks,
actions and achievements. The beautiful
thing about the Enneagram is that two people of the same type don’t necessarily
look alike. They can have a stronger
wing on one side of them than the other; they can more frequently access one of
their connection points. And most
importantly, your type is not who you
are, your type is an adaptive strategy that you developed at a young age, it is
the motivation behind your actions, it is the pair of glasses through which you
see the world. After explaining this all
to my mom and my sister, she said, “Actually, now that I think about it, Janet does
come home after a long day at work, go to her room, put on ‘Young and the
Restless’ and just decompose.” There was
a pause, us girls not sure just what sounded wrong, and then my mom said,
“Wait, is that right? Decompose?” And I said, “I think you mean
decompress!” Laughter ensued.
I feel a bit like I am decomposing from the holidays, all
the sugar breaking down my teeth, the rich foods gathering around my belly,
puffiness around my eyes. I had a
wonderful Christmas break, complete with seeing almost all of my family and my
beau, Michael’s family. But for the past
two days, since returning to New York, I have been a decomposing lump on a log,
not really wanting to get up off the couch or stop watching television. Overwhelm is setting in, a bit, New Year’s
Day looming over my head. I have so many
goals and hopes and dreams for this New Year, wanting it to be the best year
yet. And yet, I am setting myself up for
failure before the New Year has even begun, putting expectations on myself that
are so high, I am bound to fail.
I am an avid journalist, and yesterday I was looking back in
past journals to see what I wrote as my New Year Resolutions for 2012. What surprised me as I flipped through the
pages of journals from 2007, 2009, 2010, 2011, was the circular nature of my
musings. In some senses, I have wanted
the same things since I was a little girl.
For me, they have to do with implicit self-care, looking and feeling my
best, and with my career, being able to really shine and express myself, to
have the opportunity to work on beautiful moving pieces.
No matter what type we are, we all have patterns and grooves
on how we deal with the wonderful, intense, overwhelm of the holidays. And most likely, in our New Year’s
Resolutions, we are reminded of the things we have always wanted for ourselves.
What type are you? How do you decompress from the holidays and
how do you prepare for a New Year? What
are your New Year’s Resolutions? Do you
see any patterns in them? Please share
your thoughts in the comments below.
