Follow Up Friday: Awake My Soul

Follow Up Friday is a new series where I check in on the questions and issues that I introduced on Tuesday's blog.

Question:  What awakens your soul?

I go in and out of being present and connected to what awakens my soul.  When I have experiences like I had last Monday night, where I truly felt free to be me, connected to everything and all around me, I wanted to hold onto that feeling as long as possible.  I desired to bottle that feeling up.  Inevitably, I wasn't able to carry over that bliss in the days that succeeded the event, leaving me disappointed and damn near depressed.  I assume this is because I have been trying to hold onto the past.  This refusal to let go of the past and live in the present blinds me to what new soul-awakening experiences I could witness in the here and now.

So in thinking about what awakens my soul, it begs the antithetical question: what puts my soul to sleep?  

As a Four, my soul is asleep when my attention is on:
-Expectations as created through my fantasies and idealism 
-Seeking for what is missing
-Resistance to what is here and now
-Comparing Mind   
These are all elements of my vice: Envy.

If you are one of the other nine types, here is a brief list of where their attention goes, in addition to their vice.
One: Improving, Correcting, The Critical Mind, Anger.
Two: People-Pleasing, Suppressing your Needs, Pride.
Three: Impressing, Doing, Over-achieving, Deceit.
Five: Withholding, Detaching, Intellectualizing, Avarice.
Six: Worrying, Doubting, Over-preparing, Fear.
Seven: Plans, Fear of Limitation, Rationalization, Gluttony.
Eight: Power and Control, Asserting One's Opinions, Lust.
Nine: Numbing Out, Comfort Seeking, Inertia, Sloth.

So, logic would tell me that if these vices are putting our souls to sleep, perhaps the key to awakening our souls lies in our types' virtues?

One: Serenity- Accepting the presence of all emotions without judgment
Two: Humility- Giving and receiving freely without need for approval
Three: Hope- Grounding in possibility without the compulsion of doing
Four: Equanimity- Balancing emotions out by surrendering to the present
Five: Non-attachment- Letting go of the fear of not enough
Six: Courage- Ability to face fears while having faith in self
Seven: Sobriety- Commitment to a single course of action without diversion
Eight: Innocence- Witnessing without need to control
Nine: Right Action- Valuing worth by embracing one's separate self

Check in the next time you notice your soul is asleep.  Where is your attention?  And get curious about what wakes your soul up, was the key in your virtue?

Share in the comments below or email me.  I look forward to reading!

Have a lovely weekend!

Awake My Soul

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
And where you invest your love, you invest your life
Awake my soul
Awake my soul
Awake my soul
For you were made to meet your maker

-Mumford and Sons

Last night, while at home visiting my parents in New Orleans, I had the immense pleasure of attending the Mumford and Sons stopover concert at Mardi Gras World with my boyfriend, my brother and sister-in-law.  It was in a wide open space with about 9,600 attendees right next to the Mississippi River.  And though it was a warm 80 degrees, the breeze coming off of the Mississippi kept us cool for dancing.  

I don't like to fight to get to the front because even though I like seeing the band mates up close and personal, I would rather have an unobstructed view and freedom to loosen my limbs.  So, Michael and I parked ourselves right on the river railings.  The sound was crystal clear.  I could hear Marcus Mumford as if he were whispering into my ear.

They played all of our favorite songs from their first two albums.  Michael and I tend to have these on repeat wherever we are, at home, in the car.  But when they got to "Awake my Soul" I jumped off my river perch, kicked off my flip flops and danced my little heart out on the cement.  (Not a pleasant dance floor texture, but I didn't care).  I was so immersed, so incredibly content, expressing myself in my crazy dance moves and singing at the top of my lungs.  

I was aware that this moment and this experience is what awakens my very soul.  Music has such a beautiful and great capacity to get right into your bones and blood stream and make you feel connected to all and glad to be alive.  Mumford and Sons music certainly does that for me.  As does being in my hometown of Proud New Orleans.  As does connecting eyes with Michael as we listen to our favorite band.

What awakens your soul?  What makes you feel the beauty of being alive?  Where are you fully aware of all the magic that life has to offer?  When are you hyper attuned with all of your senses?

As always, please leave a comment and let me know what awakens your soul.  I look forward to reading!  And tune in to Follow Up Friday where I will revisit this question of soul-awakening as it blossoms throughout the week!

Have a blessed day!

Follow Up Friday: What is your favorite worst feeling?

Follow Up Friday is a new series where I check in on the questions and issues that I introduced on Tuesday's blog.

Question:  What is your favorite worst feeling?

As I continued to examine this question throughout the week, I found myself sort of hating my personality type.  I actually got mad at it, like it was this other outside organism (which it sort of is).  Saying things in my head like: why can’t you be happier with where you are?  What’s wrong with you?   You’re missing out on life, you know.  These kinds of thoughts, I realize, are not helpful.

One of the reasons I love the Enneagram so much is that it is not about changing who you are.  It’s not about being some perfect specimen.  It is about shedding light on your automatic patterns, your default perspective.  When you shed light on these patterns, then you have a choice.  This is the awareness piece in any spiritual practice.  You can either remain a victim of your old methods of existence, or you can choose a new way of seeing things.

What comes before gratitude and after awareness is acceptance.  As my teacher, David Daniels says, when awareness gets too far ahead of acceptance that’s when you have discord.  So casting back on that night where I had a conversation between my Inner Guidance and my Habitual Mind, I was missing the piece of acceptance.  I was trying to force myself to the gratitude step. 

So, what I’m planning on practicing is acceptance with compassion and curiosity.  My therapist has an analogy that I think is very fitting.  It’s like having a new bud planted on your windowsill and urging it to instantaneously blossom into a flower: Grow!  Grow!  Grow!  It’s an absurd idea, so why do we do it to ourselves? 

The next time my mind casts back to yearning for the rose-colored past, or gunning for the idealized future, I hope I can get curious and with compassion discover why it is I am leaving the present moment.

Let’s continue this conversation!  If you have any thoughts or questions, please leave them in the comments below or email me.

Have a lovely weekend!    

What is your Favorite Worst Feeling?

This question was passed down to me by mom through her good friend, the late Teresa Adams. 

The other night, I lay in my bed after a long workday.  My thoughts were begging to climb to heights of new ideals for the future, were scrounging to crawl back to the past to see it with rose-colored glasses.  I caught myself.  My inner observer seemed to be especially attuned that night.  The conversation in my head went like this:

INNER OBSERVER:  Wait, wait, wait, hold on just one minute!  Instead of longing for the sacred past or the idealized future, why don’t you spend a few minutes right HERE, right NOW, giving gratitude for the day?

MY HABITUAL MIND:  Yuck!  How boring?!?  I don’t want to do that!  I want to daydream of a beautiful future, how I’m going to lose weight and have long lustrous locks, how I will wear beautiful clothes, how I am going to make a living doing something that I love.

IO:  Just try it.  See if you can say what you are grateful about today, the present moment. 

MHM:  That does not sound fun AT ALL.  I mean, I’ll try it, but I’m not happy about it.

So, I tried it. 

MHM:  I am grateful for this comfy bed that I am lying in, with these soft sheets.  I am grateful for this cool air-conditioned room.  I am grateful that I babysat two beautiful babies this morning and got to see their smiling faces and spend two hours walking through Central Park.  I am grateful that I had a busy and fun night at work at the restaurant. 

As I started naming all of what I was grateful for, I was amazed at how awesome my life is right HERE and right NOW.

IO:  Good job!  I know it doesn’t feel as fun or as juicy.  But that is because you’ve trained your mind to see what is lacking or what is missing.  It’s habitual.  So, it requires effort to shift it, but the more you practice it, the easier it will be and the more fun you will have in the present moment!

An element that distinguishes the nine different types of personality in the Enneagram system is where your focus of attention (a.k.a. your favorite worst feeling) goes.  Here they are for the nine different types:

Type One:  Right and Wrong/What needs to be improved

Type Two:  Fulfilling other’s needs

Type Three: Approval for tasks

Type Four:  Longing for what is missing

Type Five:  Detaching in order to observe

Type Six:  Worst-case scenarios

Type Seven:  Pleasant options

Type Eight:  Power and control

Type Nine:  Merging with other’s agendas

What is your favorite worst feeling?  Investigate it.  See why it’s juicy for you.  What do you do to counteract it? 

Leave your discoveries in the comments!  I look forward to reading them and engaging in the conversation with you!

Enneagram for Creative Blocks

My future sister-in-law, Kimberly, is a writer and a budding Enneagram Enthusiast.  She asked me to write a guest post on her collective blog, Obey the Muse.  Obey the Muse is a gathering place for writers, so she wanted me to focus specifically on how the Enneagram can be used to help break past creative blocks.  Below is my post.

The Enneagram is a personality system that describes nine different types, or points of view, from a psychological, somatic and spiritual perspective.  To learn about the Enneagram and your specific type is to engage in a process of self-discovery, which will ultimately garner greater compassion for yourself and for those around you.  It is also especially helpful in uncovering your subconscious patterns, shining light on them so you have the power to choose whether or not to engage in them.  Furthermore, it can be beneficial for artists and their approach to their craft. 

If you know your specific strengths and weaknesses, your particular blind spots, and the subconscious object of your attention, you have more clarity about your own experience.  As artists and creators, we are all seeking to express our unique experience.  When you are in the dark about what inhibits or hinders you, you have no choice but to stay frozen in that which binds you.

Here are the nine different types with a brief glimpse into what their struggle might be in regards to creative blocks.

Type One is The Perfectionist.  True to their name, they strive and seek perfection.  Where they might get stuck creatively is in trying to hard to create perfection.  As we know, creation is only perfect in its imperfection.  In order for the One to get un-stuck, they need to forge ahead.  Put pen to paper, paintbrush to canvas and when the image in front of you is not the same as the ideal one in your head, continue on with curiosity and compassion.

Type Two is The Helper.   Their focus is so much on meeting others desires and needs that they might not prioritize their own need to create.  For the Two, scheduling a specific time in the day or week to focus on their art and fulfill their own needs is extremely important.

Type Three is The Achiever.  Threes are great performers and at times, they can get so caught up in impressing others, that they lose touch with their own truth.  The sense of deception that comes with trying to maintain a superhuman image can block them from sharing their vulnerability through their art.  When the Three allows themselves to be loved for who they are, and not what they do, they are able to express more truthfully.

Type Four is The Tragic Romantic.  Fours are idealists, who are caught in the trance of desiring that which is unavailable.  The following quote by C.S. Lewis sums up their point of view perfectly.  “True joy lies not in the having but in the desiring.  The bliss that is eternal; the delight that never fades, is only yours when what you most desire is just out of reach.”  This perspective inhibits them from taking the necessary steps to make their dream a reality.  It is important Fours get curious about the process of creativity and release the fear of it not living up to their ideal.

Type Five is The Observer.  Thinking about doing can often replace the action of doing.  So, if they have an artistic product to complete, they may spend all their time researching, planning, thinking about doing the project instead of actually doing it. Fives may need to go out of their comfort zone of living in their heads, connect to their heart to find their expression, and connect to their body to engage into action.

Type Six is The Loyal Skeptic.  Sixes can avoid success for fear of being exposed to potential harm or ridicule from others.  This fear of success may also hinder them from taking action.  As they get close to succeeding on an artistic project, they can quickly shrink away and shift gear to something altogether different.  It’s important Sixes allow themselves to feel the fear, but not be frozen by it.

Type Seven is The Enthusiast.  Their zeal for life and exploring many options makes them wary of commitment.  They are also most energized in the planning stage of an artistic process and shy away from the follow-through.  Sobering up to the deep satisfaction that comes from committing to their creative expression will lead Sevens on the path that more closely resembles the adventure they seek.

Type Eight is The Challenger.  Eights like to be in control and in charge.  They may be great leaders in an artistic endeavor, but may also put the emphasis on being strong.  The vulnerability Eights try to conceal is the tenderness of the artist, so by relinquishing control, they are more easily in the zone of creation.

Type Nine is The Peacemaker.  Nines have a hard time knowing what they want, and they often and easily merge with other’s agendas.  Furthermore, when it is necessary for Nines to prioritize their creative process, they are likely to get sidetracked by inessential tasks.  The great news is that once a Nine gets started they can continue with ease, so find a way to get that ball rolling!

This was just a brief overview into the nine different types and how each personality pattern can get in the way of creative expression.  If you are interested in learning more about your type or the Enneagram system as a whole, please get in touch.  I look forward to helping you uncover your creative blocks and let your unique essence express!

Divine Forgiveness

"To err is human; to forgive, divine."

 - Alexander Pope

           Wednesday night I was working at my restaurant job, waiting tables.  I had been off for several days, and in those days my boyfriend and I had visited my family in Charlottesville, and I had a belated birthday celebration with eight of my girlfriends.  I was ready to get back to work and I was also ready to be a little more disciplined.  After having spent the majority of the summer, indulging in wine and rich foods, my jeans no longer fitting comfortably, I was also ready to go on a healthy eating regimen.  My boyfriend, Michael, and I decided we would do without alcohol, the beloved sugar in our morning coffee, and eat more whole grains, greens and lean protein. 

            So, Wednesday, we began our new diet, I went to therapy in the morning, I took my first run around Central Park after a long time, and on my subway trips I was reading Helen Palmer’s The Enneagram.  Now, back to my serving shift.  I had focused on so many things that day, trying to change big habits in one fell swoop (I’ve never been good at baby steps), that by the time I got to the restaurant I could barely see what was in front of me. 

            It started as awkwardness, so stuck in my thoughts I was, that when I would try to speak to the guests, it came out fumbling and flustered.  It was a very busy night, with 300 guests on the books, so I told myself, “Liz, you better get your sh*t together!”  I did and I went into turbo speed.  Obsessed with pushing forward out of this unfocused, awkward state, I did my job and others jobs (helping open dozens of wine bottles, running people’s drinks, clearing, and remarking, and taking orders).  This is not to say other people weren’t doing their jobs, they were, but it was a busy night, so we all needed to pitch in.

            In the hurricane of my forced attempts, when I went to put in the order for a table of four as three lobsters and one halibut, I put instead three halibuts and one lobster.  This may not sound like such a big deal, and in the grand scheme of things it isn’t.  But, when the kitchen is trying to churn out over 300 meals, that mistake can set them majorly back.  It’s a domino effect.

            There was a surge of heat that filled up my body.  Burning tears brimmed at my eyes.  I was furious with myself!  How could I have done that?  Where was my head?  (In the clouds, for sure.)  I went to the table and took the blame and apologized profusely.  They were lovely, assured me that it was not a problem, the two couples had not seen each other for eight years and they were enjoying catching up.  I told them, “I don’t know what happened.  I am known as the waitress who doesn’t make mistakes!”  Promptly, the older gentleman said, “I make mistakes all the time, everybody does.” 

Wow.  That stopped me dead in my tracks.  He was right: everybody makes mistakes.  I realized that I had been so hard on myself, pushing myself and pressing myself further, that I had worked myself into a tizzy.  I slowed down, apologized to my manager and chef, and tried to get through the rest of my shift as gracefully as possible.

The next morning, on Thursday, I sat down to meditate.  When I asked my heart for a word, it said “forgiveness.”  It was the perfect word I needed to hear.  In the Enneagram, we all have different foci of attention.  As a four, my Focus is on what is missing or what I lack.  It is incredibly easy for me to see all the ways that I am deficient or not whole.  I can also go to my resource point of One, whose attention is on improvement, and seeing things as right versus wrong.  Under stress, I go to Two, whose attention is on meeting others needs (and as a byproduct neglecting one’s own).  Once you understand your Enneagram type, and where your focus of attention naturally goes, you have a choice whether or not to play out that fixation, or have some distance from it.

It is easy to not forgive yourself if you are in the grips of your personality.  All you see is what is not measuring up.  It’s as if you have the potential to see the world from 360 degrees, but instead all you see is 40 percent of it.  When you are able to take a step back, you can see more clearly the whole picture, and like the glass is both half-full and half-empty, there are more ways than one to see that picture. 

Forgiveness is an incredibly hard concept to grasp and put into practice.  Forgiveness implies grace, self-awareness and self-acceptance.  If we can forgive ourselves first, we can certainly forgive others more easily.  Seems like a worthy pursuit, doesn’t it?

What ways are you hard on yourself?  How do you forgive yourself?  What type are you and where does your focus of attention go?  Please leave a comment so we can get this conversation going!  And feel free to share or like this blog with friends!

I Get By with a Little Help from my Friends

            While I was in California in July, visiting two of my best friends from childhood, Stef and Lauren, I had a mini-meltdown in the car ride down from San Francisco to Santa Barbara for Stef’s bachelorette weekend on my 32^nd birthday.  The reason for the meltdown?  Well, I did have major PMS, so I can always use that as an excuse, but it’s also because my Type Four vice of Envy was in full effect, leading me to destructive patterns of comparison and leaving me feeling inadequate.  The topic?  Self-care. 

The few days before our car trip, I stayed with Stef and Lauren and got to witness first hand some of their habits.  I became very aware of how well they were taking care of themselves physically, in regards to exercising and eating healthily.  Being far from routine myself, in the past several months, I have not adhered to any specific regimen. 

            What struck me, was how they had made certain healthful practices habitual, and how they made those practices a priority.  Stef had a yoga studio nearby with favorite teachers that she liked to frequent.  Lauren went on runs in Palo Alto before getting her workday started.  They both ate a lot of quinoa and vegetables, said “no” to the mid-week glass of wine, and in general listened to what would make their bodies feel good.

            Boy, my envy began raging.  I, too, want to have a regimen of self-care that I prioritize!  And yet, I feel so far away from that.  In times of stress, when I go to my resource point of Type Two, I match my loved ones.  I do what they do, when they do it.  I eat what they eat, I time how long it takes me to do something with how long they do it.  I guess you could also say, I become co-dependent. 

            I was so envious, and almost mad, that Stef and Lauren were able to hold a space for their own process.  Even though I was in town, Stef opted for a yoga class to clear her anxious head, instead of meeting me for an indulgent shopping trip.  Lauren woke up early to ensure she'd have time to run, while I lazed sleepily in bed.

            (I realize, now that I’m writing this, that I may seem overly hard on myself, perhaps.  That is familiar territory for me, and an aspect I am trying to treat gently.)

            So, back to the car ride melt down.  I wanted to snack on things that are bad for you, like Doritos and Diet Coke and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups!  I wanted to do the whole Road Trip Wasteland Diet (not a real diet, I just made that up).  But, still, in the car, Stef had yummy, but healthy snacks from Trader Joe’s: fruit leather, and flax seed corn chips. 

            I began to take it personally, like their eating and their regimen was a direct reflection on me.  I also thought that it meant that they must be judging my habits of neglect, my choices to lounge on the couch over taking a yoga class, to sip wine with sushi on a Monday night.  Then, my idealistic Four mind chirped in and wanted to be that perfect specimen, who is glowing and thin and beautiful, who adheres to healthy habits, who listens and meets her own needs.  And I just broke.

            What was so awesome, is that Stef and Lauren just let me cry it out, and whine a little bit.  They held a space for me.  They encouraged me.  And they assured me that I was beautiful and perfect just the way I am, and that their only wish is for me to be happy.  They explained that they did what they needed to do to take care of themselves, and that, in no way, means they are judging me and my choices.

            It felt nice to get that all out, to let my perceived “ugly” thoughts and feelings have space to breathe.  It’s nice because now I have compassion for myself through all steps of that process of realization.  In the Enneagram, your type, or ego structure can really take over if you are overly identified with it.  And reactivity, which is what I was experiencing, though conceivably messy and uncomfortable, can also point you to the way of growth.  By acknowledging my feelings of inadequacy and envy, I am able to appreciate Stef and Lauren’s ability to take care of themselves, and know that that’s something I would like for myself.  But I am also, able to cut myself some slack, and come to terms with the perfectly imperfect being that I am.